Alicia
The words were so clear they woke me from a sound sleep, “Thank you, Lord for this another day of life” and I recognized the voice. It was my Pappaw Campbell’s voice, strong and gentle. That was the way he began every meal time prayer. It was not a ritual, it was a heartfelt sentiment that he had found words to express and he humbly reminded the Lord of his gratitude at every opportunity.
The clock on the bedside table mocked 2:35am and something told me that fluffing and flipping the pillow would not be enough to coerce my exhausted body back to la-la land. I could read that would mean turning on the light and possibly waking my sleeping daughter, who had decided to join me since Daddy was out of town. I could write but that would mean getting out from under the warm blankets and that did not seem too appealing. There’s just something about lying awake in a quiet house that gives way to soul searching.
Where was this deep sadness coming from? There is so much to be happy about, so much to be grateful for and yet, it seemed the tide of desperation was coming in rapidly. The feeling of being alone, far from home, from my calling, from the joy that used to reign in my life; wounded from the rejection of family members and the calloused criticism of acquaintances was pouring over me like wet concrete. It has been said and rightly so that time waits for no one and proven again, the alarm clock slipped its unforgiving crow bar into my domain and was demanding a response.
Up, floor is cold; down, bed is warm…I can’t believe I did not sleep last night, up with smile on face, Oh Lord help me just get through this one and by the way who is this person in my mirror? Maybe, if I sneak to the coffee pot—I will be able to have a moment of solitude. Nope, those snap tops for freshness that appear so amazing in TV ads make a monstrous noise when the kitchen is as silent as a morgue. As if rehearsed, feet begin to hit the floor from every corner of my humble abode. The day is here darling—deal with it.
Fast forward….needed to attend a funeral, had car trouble, husband out of town so decided to make a furniture delivery, instead. The lady had been calling for a couple of weeks so anxious to have her table and chairs. Since, the funeral was out. There was plenty to be done to take care of the living. First on the agenda was delivering a dining room table and chairs. For me, it was just a matter of coordinating help for the loading and the unloading. It quickly became apparent that this trip was about so much more than furniture. The lady of the house was reviewing an insurance policy with her agent but, she left him sitting. Through tears, she told me that she was facing major surgery to have her eye removed. Her other eye, severely damaged by a stroke, would not be much good and she was just not sure what she was going to do. Oh God, thank you for the car trouble that sent me on this errand. This dear soul needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen and help her sort out all that was before her and she was still able to see the table; a few more days and that may not have been the case. Your timing is perfect. Your agenda is superior and your purpose for us is far greater than we see. I was checking a job off a list. You were loving the unloved. I was delivering a bit of furniture. You were bringing light to a rapidly darkening world.
Carpool, counseling, cooking, calls…full day, good day, homework. Fifteen folks for dinner, thankfully they came in shifts and gratefully everyone was in a jovial frame of mind. Ringing phone…probably a telemarketer—they usually call at dinner time. Not a telemarketer but a social worker from a local agency in need of a favor. A mutual client had called in need of diapers. Her water had been cut off. She had gone to her grandmother’s for help. The grandmother had no money. I took the diapers and met her in a safer part of town because by this time it was dark.
This young mother had all seven children in her van with no gas…followed her to the station, pumped the gas and filled her dry radiator (van overheating). Her children were sitting in the van like little soldiers, quiet. The eldest daughter reminded me of the baby’s name as I played the name game with them while their mother checked the oil. They loved the fact that I couldremember their names. I not only loved it, I was totally amazed because there are times when I have difficulty remembering my own name.
“It’s my birthday, Mrs. Debbie” said the sickly, timid little seven year old. A birthday and no celebration only a bumper car ride from a home with no water to a Granny’s that had more problems than could be numbered in one sitting. No cake, no candles. I could run into the convenience store, borrow a match and stick it in a purchased Twinkie. We could have a cake and a song. That was not to be. I had just put my last dime into the van so that this mom could get these children back to Granny’s and off the street.
It was easy to make judgments. Unfortunately, dozens of them came to mind as I made the journey across town. My heart broke as I thought of a little boy with no fanfare on his birthday and the lady (from the furniture run) weeping over the loss of her eyesight. Tonight, I returned home knowing that neither family is in a perfect situation. I have been working in heartbreak long enough to know that there are not easy solutions or pat answers. It is easy to complain about people’s choices and reactions without considering all the variables. It is also easy to talk about a quick fix without thinking of all the repercussions.
The one thing I do know is this: we were able to make the immediate circumstance palatable by giving a hand and not a judgment. There will be a time to work on the blaring problems but for now, it’s enough to breathe a sigh of gratitude as we hang the “closed” sign up on this 24 hour gift. No doubt, it should sound something like this, “Thank you, Lord for this another day of life”.